People who refuse to take accountability are dangerous. THEY WILL BLAME YOU and they will die on that hill. Just to save themselves.

 Now that I know there's nothing I could have done better in order to save my marriage to that philandering wierdo (and no bad thing I could have not done in order to save it) it's a huge weight lifted off me. He would have had me blaming myself and depressed over it for the rest of my life. All so that he could get away with shit both to avoid "going to the principal's office" n getting scolded (oh the horror-- 5 minutes of that woulda ended his life right there), and also to be able to do more of the philandering, for whatever reason he convinces himself is supposedly necessary for his survival or quality of life.

He would have had me unalive over him and would not have said a word to stop me or to reassure me I shouldn't. He would have let me die believing I was at fault and that I had somehow abused him in some mysterious way I don't know about that he didn't tell me about but hinted very obviously.

Because it's him first, and him alone, that seems to be his priority, yet he insists he needs a relationship. And then he wonders why his relationships fail. He blames the woman every time. His own pain is real, but part of this is also him refusing for some reason to see past his own pain to the pain that is just as bad (if not worse sometimes) that he is causing others... people he supposedly loved at that!

This guy's attitude toward me and the crap he put into my head about it somehow being all or mostly my fault is quite frankly dangerous. And he did not care that he was doing that, or cared but not enough to get him to stop (the cheating, lying, and the gaslighting n script-flipping about it and the cold cruelty towards the victim when caught and refusal to acknowledge he did it or apologize or explain why) or to even try to stop or to tell the truth about why he was doing this.

He is dangerous to women. If because of me saying this he retaliates n says I'm dangerous to men, then anyone who believes him I'm glad to be rid of, cuz they never knew me and don't want to apparently.

He may not want anyone else to destruct, but he is willing to let and even MAKE that happen in order to save himself 5 minutes of self-reflection that he assumes will be too painful for his fragile self to bear and still live to tell the tale. This is because people in his life have only ever held him accountable in painful embarrassing ways, and the rest never held him accountable at all, and so he still believes accountability/being held accountable is painful (tho when done right it does not hurt at all) and he assumes (from the shit that happened in his life because of all that and other stuff) that he's too fragile to handle it when it is.

His problem. I deserve a life, and people who really love me and won't throw me to the wolves for ANY reason in ANY circumstance, like I'd never do to them. I'd be lying tho if I said I wouldn't check every once in a while to see how his lifestyle is panning out and if he's ruined any more lives lately. Anyone who's been fucked over by him is welcome to reach out to me and I will tell them how n why it is NOT in their head or their fault.