Call Central Intake: Toronto Dropin Drama Stories part 2

 And probably none from here. Here it's pleasantly, delightfully uneventful. Character study 49 As usual: one person per name for integrity, multiple names per person for security Ignacia-- the one who has like 100 bags and an overflowing bin (which isn't even allowed) and people are allowed a small bag and people always get up readily and remove their stuff off others' bins and I do too yet Ignacia still obsesses over my little bag sitting on her bin sometimes when she's not even there. She pretends to be not all there and disoriented and yet there enough to keep at it and when I try to reason with her with the above info she tells me I'm "starting an argument." She even (after I stopped sitting there) came all the way over to me at the other end to ask me if it was my bag on her bin the other day and it wasn't. What a moron. Sorry, but this kind of extremely petty picking-on-others-and-trying-to-draw-them-into-their-pettiness-and-making-me-look-petty...

 I sure accumulate a lot of notes, every time. I'm going thru them now that I have the time and space to do so and there's some good stuff in there and I typed it out finally and sorted thru the rest that wasn't my writings and lightened my load.

 In society we often forget we are not making a positive difference by policing people. We make a positive difference by suggesting, being the change ourself, asking (but never ordering) others to help us be the change ourselves, thinking up and expressing ideas, all that. But not by policing (or letting others police) others or ourselves. Everyone has the right to swing everywhere except into anyone else's face.

Being passive: "I'm a POS because of me."  For me, being timid, my habits born of social anxiety, sometimes die really hard for me. I hate it sometimes because it makes me look either stupid, cowardly or both.  Feeling aggressive: "You're a POS because of you." Or "I'm a POS because of you." Or the other way, being offended by shit that should go over my head, but I'm scared to let it go over my head for fear I be seen as stupid or actually BECOME stupid from lack of brain use. Passive aggressive: "You're a POS because of me." When all this leads to misanthropy. We don't want to go there, but we need to feel our feelings in order to know they're not what we want. Because we are feeling them anyway, whether we admit or explain or express them or not. And we cannot change what we don't acknowledge.  Assertiveness: "Nobody's a POS." I wish I had more of this. 

 The staff are super helpful with resources and help accessing them, the women staying here just all sit around on their devices or having coffee and the ones that want to socialize go outside, and there's space to walk around. The shower room is single occupancy and is a huge room the size of most apartment living rooms and has a toilet and sink in with it in another section and lots of benches and counters to put your stuff on and a mirror. Like the other place, there's coffee all day and 3 meals and snacks and wifi and showers and a laundry room. This place gives you a mat to sleep on and maybe 10 people are sleeping in a big room the size of a small gymnasium whereas at the other place you just had the floor (which nevertheless they cleaned twice every 24 hours, like they do here) and there was a lot less space to sleep at the other place and people fought over spots. At the other place people were sleeping under tables, scrunched up in corners with no space to lay full len...

 There are 2 worst case scenarios for me so far. So I'm luckier than many here. 1. I get on Ontario Works and that isn't enough to get a place but I stay at the dropin till I get a place, which will not be too far off, since I'm on the short list for housing. 2. I get ODSP and then I get a room (not an apartment, can't afford one) and continue to wait for housing (as in, an apartment.) I'm on the list for a bachelor or 1-bedroom apartment because I'm one person alone, and that seems really good to me now. To think that when I was a kid I thought I might one day own a 4-bedroom house! HAHAHAHA!!! Not in THIS lifetime I won't, probably, unless I go build one in the woods on crown land or something.

 I notice that whenever I get stressed like I was starting to at the other dropin, I start feeling and in my opinion looking physically worse... aches and pains, hair growing on my face (perimenopause type of hormones I guess get effected by stress), gray hairs, either too-slow or paranoidly-fast and inappropriate reflexes, mood swings, night sweats (again, the perimenopausal shit doesn't go well with stress I guess), hot flashes (very occasionally with me as in once every few years but some others get it more often including at younger ages than me), snoring, crappy immune system, easy weight gain, fatigue, and of course blaming yourself for it all thinking you're just a lazy pig!

 At the other dropin, there was a case manager who had maybe five people she saw regularly and it seemed to me that her opinion was that everyone else could fuck right off.  Most of the staff were burnt out, including ones that genuinely wanted to help. The asshole clients ruined that for the other clients. Then again, should I be calling anyone an asshole client? They were mostly not the way they were just to piss others off, even if they later became that way as in DOING shit to piss others off, thinking they needed to to show they were not to be messed with. At least they wrote down and put up the services available. The staff were often so busy either chatting with each other (Some of them) or dealing with bullshit issues from governments or clients or the "problem clients" that they had no time to spend counseling anyone either individually or in a group or doing any kind of educational acitivity with them, so they relied on posting information about where to find a chea...

 I will explain the why of each one in my opinion later cuz it'll be a bit long. But these are places/aspects in which Quebec and Ontario seem different to me from what I have observed right now. Each of the two provinces here deals with the following issues in often noticeably different ways. confidentiality people taking responsibility for their own communication skills the way dropins and shelters balance low-barrier access with zero tolerance physical fights discrimination accusations self defense and retaliation calling cops psych cases surveillance meddling by staff in clients' lives or relationships or lifestyle meddling by other clients diplomacy practicality and ease generosity recycling/compost/trash/waste opportunity expectations/responsibility (both bullshit responsibilities and real ones) sanitation/hygiene honesty/straightforwardness access/walkability traffic and driveability public transit accessability priorities of rights versus luxuries communication assimila...

  The dropin was getting literally violent with people picking on others who were just minding their own business. People started trying to provoke me into physical fights. No. I'm not going to jail or getting injured for them. I left along with two other women who were having similar experiences. One of those 2 friends of mine then had a medical emergency requiring hospitalization n the other didn't get into the other dropin... At least not yet... So Im the only one of us that is lucky enough to be at this awesome new dropin right now. This one is across town that I am staying at now and it is a universe of difference. No violence. No overcrowding. Space to walk around. Case manager actually cares n helps everyone who asks or it... Not just five or so favorite people like the one to the other place... And with their actual concerns. Staff here seem fairer with everyone n are way less burnt out n stressed. No toxic gossip cuz... On my floor of the building at least... The ver...

 The one that saved me from leaving tonight is talking about how ridiculous everyone's attitude is with a woman who agreed about it all, a woman named Jo I'd been talking to since last night who's been here a few days I think. Only one here that seems to talk sense and not be blindly foolishly misplacedly loyal to certain people or have a high-school mentality and pick on others or be paranoid and then pick on others as a result. She asked me to use her real name in this blog too. so I will. She says her real name is Joanna Jones. So I'll call her that. Anyway we both called central intake (separately but at the same time) trying to get outa here but central intake told both of us that there's no availabilities in any shelters. I'm probly just gonna get a room on the first, even if it's a $700 rent every month. I can talk later to my Ontario Works worker about going on some housing list. I woulda gottan shortlisted if I was in a shelter but there's no sh...

 In Montreal people were the same way; it was just more repressed. And then big blowouts would eventually happen. The hatred was the same, just beneath the surface. Here at least it gets exposed, expressed, vomited out and often forgotten (tho other times often remembered). Better tho for the expressor, the expressed-about, the expressed-to and the expressed-around.

 I need to stop my negativity today after being verbally attacked 3 times by 3 different people.  Instead of "I'm not equipped for this" I need to think "I can and will become equipped for this." What's hard is the humiliation. The feeling that at 37 years old I still don't feel I can handle myself as well as even a 5-year-old can handle themself.

 Not with the "I'm so sorry" girls or with the "Fuck you, you're messing with me, you wanna go outside then?" girls. Definitely not with the ones that think they're so balanced but are just half-assed and thus support the latter who often pick on the former.

 Alenoushka: I just give Taryn weed and cigarettes because she keeps coming back." Tish: "She keeps coming back because you keep giving it to her." Geri: "The staff wonder why I'm even here because I have a place. They know though that the police sent me here till after my court case is over so that the guy that beat me up can't go back to my home and kill me."

 People do NOT know what they think they do. WE DO NOT KNOW. Assumptions are the hellish bullshit we think we see of the outside, because we are looking through the filter of our own biases from our own emotional baggage. My friend Jo says, "Well, we're not their baggage so they need to stop or just go away." I admired her concise way of explaining that and told her so.

 Elotchka comes in claiming she was pepper sprayed and needs water or something but the bathroom is closed for cleaning and the office is busy with another lady, Amythyst. Amythyst says "That's not my problem." In even more tears, Elotchka cries "How can you be so cruel and cold! You're a woman too!" Said by Deenie: "She chats a lot. That means she probably sells drugs." (Wth???) Sybil to a girl I'll call Anjanette: "Nobody likes her here either." (Here as in the dropin? As in this part of the room maybe? Are they talking about me? I do talk loud but God! Is that me they're talking about. Maybe not tho. And like Prunella, who is in the same friend group as this Sybil, she is lying that no one here at all likes or wants to talk to me. People start conversations with me, me not so much with them tho. I stick to myself because I don't want drama. I just get enthusiastic when I get into it, but not extremely so.) (people are talki...

 I wish I could find some of the women who complain online about the gossip here.  Talking is a must, but lying??? Speculation is a must and a right, but criticizing a person's very existence?? Questioning is a right, but assuming????

Bettye (staffer) to Mimi: "If I see you sitting on a bin one more time, there'll be serious consequences." (pause-- ooooh) Then: "I'm gonna give you a disinfectant cloth and you're going to clean the lid of the bin." Keena: "You let HER into the gender neutral bathroom! Why not me?" (That bathroom is also a disabled bathroom and I'm pretty sure the other woman was let in because of a physical impairment.) Lydia to me: "I asked my friend if he wanted to meet you at the dropin bur he didn't want to be in a place just for women." Me: "He'd have to wear drag to come in here anyway." Lydia: "Or pretend to identify as female or nonbinary." Kally: "You need to start saying no to people." Arissa: "I said no to Nandl, Miep and Karena. Three of your friends. How's that?" Cezanne: "I went to the psychiatrist because I was suicidal but instead of giving me antidepressants he gave me ant...

 Nuha-- she stank. I think it was because of her particular bidet routine in the bathroom stall. Rorita-- was apparently a nurse, knew cops, never been in a shelter before, had rich family, related to doctors and hospital administrators, had a big house, doesn't belong here, yadayadayada Emerita-- dresses like an Asian or Russian nesting doll complete with the makeup Joellen-- brought a teddy bear in here but was kinda persnickety with me so the bear alone wouldn't have melted the ice between us Virgilia-- lucky lady called central intake and actually got a place from them Hermine-- really nice lady asking if she can sit here and sorry for bumping into me there, reminds me of the overly nice side of myself Thirtsa-- worrying about a Sudanese lady and where she went, had to return some laundry detergent to her or something, wouldn't stop talking about it Sanoe: "That's Estee's stuff; shouldn't I take it and keep it?" Hagar (staff member): "Oh, it...

 Isadora: "You've picked the wrong person to mess with!" (at me, because I took her clean dry stuff out of the dryer because it was done and she was nowhere and I didn't know whose stuff it was and I was on time down there too so it wasn't like I was overzealously early). She had me secretly wondering if I shouldn't feel guilty... but for nothing, which I only realize now as I'm typing this. Sacheen-- bonded with me over us having bought the same enameled stainless steel coffee mug from Dollarama. But if she's friends with the next one, I can't trust her. MaLynn: nightmare who said the real issue she had with me wasn't me "banging the table" (which I'd accidentally and gently done while gesturing during a conversation with others) while she was tryuing to sleep. No; her real issue was that I "talk like I'm moaning like I'm having sex and that it's gross and nasty." In other words, this woman had the balls to ...

 Morticia: [Felinnia] needs guidance. She needs a mother figure." Morticia 10 seconds later: If Felinnia messes with me one more time I'm going to kill her! She'll be dead! I'm not scared of going to jail!" Gnesa: "When are you supposed to stop doing CPR?" Becky: "You don't stop." Gnesa: "Okay, that makes sense. Because you're trying to save a life." Izzy: "That's illegal!" Augustine: "Everything is illegal. Living is illegal. You're a rat, that's what you are." Leisha gets accused by Persecution Complex Prunella of throwing toilet paper (unused, luckily) all over the stalls but Leisha (knowing that she isn't always there when it happens and Prunella tends to falsely accuse people) didn't do it Consuelo: "Get out of the shower." Person in the shower is silent. It's Pinder; sleeping in there. I'm in the other shower and say: "Hold on, I'm almost done." Voic...

Women here whom I think might be on the autism spectrum: Latifa-- don't wanna approach her tho because she seems to be on drugs and I don't want to get all up in that Davina and Wanda-- too friendly with Persecution Complex Prunella or with others who are friends with her Kizzy-- her out-of-itness was probably just failed masking; she shouldn't have masked at all or tried to at all, woulda been better off Ora-- classical high-masking so-called high-functioning programmer type Shelby-- so out of it that people probably just thought she was insane or retarded rather than retreated in self defence. Really, ALL people retreat in self defence. No one is stupid or insane when we understnad them. Others now: Karolina--  "I want to be in a good area. For me, that's the best thing. Lala: "But there are drugs everywhere. A place is what you make it." Me: "It's not just about drugs. It's about who you can stand being around, about your own preferences, ...

 Julianne: "Can you call Central Intake for me?" Cedrika (staff member): "Do it yourself. You guys are adults." Julianne: "The phones here never work! They're both dead. They're always broken." (which is true) Norinda: really nice lady who wanted to get out of here and live at the YWCA's free residence Shara: "We all have problems. Stop talking about problems." (Well apparently, Shara, you have a problem with us just chatting. And chatting helps get rid of or minimize the effect of the problems. Go suck a fat one. You're the one doing the harassing, not us.) Marlene: "They threw my boots in the trash!" Elefan: "I had a brand new suitcase and they made me throw it away." Gilda: "I had just bought a $30 or $40 cart from Walmart and they made me get rid of it here too." Fernelle: kicked out of the hospital so early despite doing so physically badly she couldn't get out of her wheelchair  Kitty: (thin...

 A professional would be objective. I'm not a professional. A spiritually evolved person would be like "just love them to death/kill them with kindness." I'm not evolved. 

 Often people are looking for empathy... not pity, solutions, practical help, distractions, controversy, revenge, evil kicks, to piss anyone off, or secondary gain-- and even when they are, they are still looking for empathy. It's that simple. I know tho that it's hard to implement when a person is treating you like crap.

  Overheard once at the dropin: "Never mind me, I'm just practicing being a piece of furniture." Overheard another time when talking about a past incident: "I didn't get involved. I became the wall."

  Girl (I'll call her Benjamina) last night came yelling to the staff about how a girl apparently came to her while she was sleeping and-- instead of asking her to move so the girl could access her bin-- the girl moved her aside. Then she said the girl "twisted my feet and took my shoe off." Then Benjamina upped the ante-- the girl had tried to take her pants off. At first a staff member I'll call Abby told her she'd be thrown out if she kept yelling n swearing but then Benjamina explained that she had trauma from sleeping on busses for 4 years and never laying down to sleep in years and getting poked, prodded, punched (and even literally pissed on once) by bus drivers. Then she talked about having been in the psych ward and being forcibly injected with stuff and that was another reason she had trauma around being touched especially without warning. The staffer Abby suddenly became really sympathetic and listened and made suggestions and told her the staff would a...

  Overheard at the dropin concerning someone not knowing much English: "It's not a 'thing,' it's a toothbrush."

  Overheard at the dropin, concerning bins at first but then language but then etiquette: Antonella: "It's not about the Engish; all you need to say is 'Is this your bin?'" Courtney: "I, I, I don't speak--" Antonella: "How much English does it take to say 'Is this your bin?'" Courtney: "But--" Antonella: "Just write it down if it's difficult." Courtney: "You're not an English teacher!" Antonella: "That's not teaching English. It's just telling you the right way to say it." Courtney: "Last night when you took my charger did you say please?" Antonella (all apologetic): "The problem is the please? Let me know so I tell you please! I didn't know that's a problem to you... that you're offended. Let me know next time so that I can say it to you next time. I don't have a problem to say please, I'm just not used to saying it.

  Character study 40 1 person per name for integrity purposes, multiple names per person for security purposes Doreen-- would rather live in a shelter with more freedom about what to do with her day and her life than have an apartment in a place that is all up in her business. I'm with her on this. Kirstie (crying incoherently) Eugenia (staff member): "You need to tell me whether you need the physical medical team or the mental health crisis team." Kirstie: "It doesn't matter. No one will help. No one can." Raizel-- all proud of her beautiful wig but leaves it on the dirty counter and even in the dirty sink when she takes it off Golda-- soliloquy about: gangsters, all kinds of unrelated yet I guess somehow-related things, the government, Joseph Smith the Mormon, yelling at invisible people to shut up, laughing uproariously tho most of the time at it all... whatever she's on, she has impeccable taste in uppers

  Character study 39 (Dropin Drama) 1 person per name for integrity purposes, multiple names per person for security purposes Rabina: "Are these cookies yours?" Me: "Nope; I don't know whose they are." Rabina (looks like she wants to eat them anyway) Me: "I guess finders eaters, losers beaters." (I jokingly mime beating her up for eating the cookies) Rabina and I both laugh quite uproariously about this. Rabina: "In this place especially." Renata: wounded feet, pus oozing out, finally staff tell her they want to help her with that tho probably just because someone complained about it being a sanitation issue Lillith: "You can barely see, but you type so fast!" (referring to me needing glasses I don't currently have and just knowing where the keys are tho having to hunch over the keyboard if I ever need to look at them, which I rarely do) Carrie (as tho Noelle is doing a bad thing): "[Noelle] is smart, she's so sneaky. S...

Dropin Drama character study part 38 1 person per name for integrity purposes, multiple names for person for security purposes Rahab (bragging about being too good to have ever been in a shelter before; this is her first time because her shit don't stink) Lessa (staffer pleading with 3 women screaming insults n threats at each other): Please just sit down and enjoy your coffee." Hillary: "You're new here, right? Because you're not ready to work alone with us, right? Because you're not experienced." Zeta: "Basically, yeah. I just got hired." Hillary: "Yeah, I thought so." (Is that an insult???) June (staff member) to Eldie, who just asked for 5 different things in a row instead of all at once: "You sure you don't need nothing more? You SURE?" Zillah (entitled voice but trying to sound sweet, on the intercom from outside): "I need to come in now." Denise to Natty who is actively punching Eloise: "Yes, I know ...

  Dropin Drama character study part 37 1 person per name for integrity purposes, multiple names for person for security purposes Dolly the schiz (asks me to videotape her for YT or Tiktik... a video of her laying on her bedding outside the door saying "Hey yo, I'm schizophrenic, anyone in this city that need anything come hit me up." Deondra (staff member, in a diplomatic voice: "Keep it a bit quieter please, Dolly," after Dolly goes into a loud soliloquy about how the government putting a stench (as in a terrible smell) in her brain that helps make her even more schizophrenic Dmitra: "She lied to me telling me the staff said it's okay for her to be in here so I let her in and now I get in shit!" Viola: "Don't sit on those stairs, they'll give us all shit if one of us sits on them." Juana (trying to make me believe it): "You're doing good." Marylee (to me!): "You remind me of my sister. She had schizophrenia....

  Dropin Drama character study part 36 Mauritia: "If they keep arguing loudly then I'll put up my music and make even more noise." Chanel: "Ask my friend Tee! She'll tell you Ursa was on meds before and was fine when on them but when she wasn't she was screaming and slamming chairs and throwing things." Klothilde: "You are nothing." Francisca: "Yep; I'm nothing. Klothilde (angrier): "YES. YOU ARE NOTHING." Wilma: "She won't come in. We invited her in but she wants to stay out." (Usually it's that people refuse to LEAVE!) Ainslie: "The doctor discharged me to here when I was discharged from the hospital saying they'd be able to accomodate my diet, but I can't eat the meat dish but I also can't eat the vegetarian dish cuz it's full of spices." Imelda to Kiki: "You're threatening me now cuz you can't have me? Well, soon you'll be in jail SURROUNDED by other girls. Hara...

  Overheard at the dropin: [girl is yelling semi-nasty shit about someone] Staffer: "I can hear you from all the way down here!" Other staffer: "She's forgetting she's been barred before for six months [before being allowed back in]. Can you please remind her?"

  What happened to "If you can't help them then at least don't hurt them?" What happened to "The worst thing for me is a hypocrite"? What happened to "Don't cross an ocean for someone who won't even cross the street for you?" What happened to "Ruin her lipstick not her mascara, get her panties wet not her eyes"? What happened to "I'd rather be hurt by the truth than placated by lies that hurt worse in the end?" He had all these as sayings but DID NOT LIVE BY ANY OF THEM. I want to know, but other than that, I'm done with him. I guess I just want to understand why people do this shit.

  Overheard at the dropin from a staff member to a client: "Hey! Pull up your pants!" Now I'm wondering how far down the person's pants were!

  LOL. I got lost looking for the OHIP office and went on the grand bus and streetcar tour of a shitty part of Toronto. I got on a bus to head back to the TTC station to take a subway train to go back after giving up for the day. On my way back to the subway on that bus, the bus passed right by the office I was looking for. But it mighta been almost ready to close by then, it was after 2 and it closes at 3, and so I didn't get off and go in; I just went back.

  Girl at the next table who is "trying to sleep" minds my typing but not the loud music the girl at another table is playing. Ugh. I hate it when people choose me to try n control, push around or humiliate. It makes me feel both pathetic and incapable (for not knowing how to deal with it in the moment, or for giving off pathetic enough vibes to be ordered around), and like a bad or annoying person (for being more annoying than the more annoying people that get away with everything). It seems to be what is happening. Or maybe she just gave up on trying to sleep. Who knows. Who am I to judge.

I thought you-know-who was better than that and didn't lie to his partners. But he does, and he does bigtime.   I guess that in my entire 37 years I have never been loved in the transparent, straightforward way that I needed. I never ran into anyone that didn't lie to their own damn loved ones some times for some reason or other. It's both pathetic and scary. It seems the basic thing I need to survive and have any quality of life is something that does not exist on this planet outside of myself. Or rather it's something I'm not allowed to find or allow to find me.

   ·  Shared with Public Last night at the dropin a lady I'll call "Mitzi" was going on n on telling a lady I'll call "Melody" off for supposedly asking a lady I'll call "Germaine" right in front of Mitzi at the same table to get her a hitman to kill Mitzi after Mitzi refused to be Melody's lover and Melody cried as a result and Mitzi supposedly tried to comfort her. Mitzi is either raving mad and off her meds or on too much of something else or is just a

  LOL. Lady at the dropin ("Eleri") is accusing another ("Nell") of standing near her at night while she was sleeping, then Eleri accuses Nell of no one wanting to sit by her and is yelling and calling her a whore seemingly randomly. Nell tells her to go to the mental hospital and that she was "sitting there barking like a fucking dog" and that she's "retarded" with her accusations. LOL. Another lady, "Vara," is like "She can sit wherever she wants, there's no assigned or reserved seats." A staffer is just begging everyone to just sit and enjoy their coffee.

  Now that I know there's nothing I could have done better in order to save my marriage to that philandering wierdo (and no bad thing I could have not done in order to save it) it's a huge weight lifted off me. He would have had me blaming myself and depressed over it for the rest of my life. All so that he could get away with shit both to avoid "going to the principal's office" n getting scolded (oh the horror-- 5 minutes of that woulda ended his life right there), and also to be able to do more of the philandering, for whatever reason he convinces himself is supposedly necessary for his survival or quality of life. He would have had me unalive over him and would not have said a word to stop me or to reassure me I shouldn't. He would have let me die believing I was at fault and that I had somehow abused him in some mysterious way I don't know about that he didn't tell me about but hinted very obviously. Because it's him first, and him alone, that ...

  There are some rooms or bachelor apartments in people's basements in their houses in Toronto's suburbs that I could actually afford if I get a TTC pass every month n go to dropins to eat until I get a job or paid training. None of them are dumps either. Often they even have fancy bathrooms and a kitchen! I mean basements are depressing, but one will do until I get another apartment after working a while.

  The Lowdown Concerning the Sentiment: "Call central intake." (if it's a housing issue) AKA "Drink more water." (if it's a medical issue) "Bless your heart." (if it's an embarrassing issue of some sort) AKA "Fuck you." LOL. If I ever write a book about this or make my blog into a book, I'll call it "Call Central Intake: My Dropin Drama Experience."

  I just got told today that I should get a job as a court scribe/recorder because I type so fast. My accuracy isn't that good tho. So I'd be going back and correcting a lot of typos.

  Eeeeeee. I made a new friend here, a woman in her late 70s or her 80s whom I'll call Lainie. We chatted all day. Another woman whom I'll call Shasta often sits or lays in front of others' storage bins, refusing to move at all for some people (like Sheridan or Lainie, whom she does not like for some reason) and barely moving and keeps having to be nudged verbally to move a little more (like in my case). I was trying to get her to move so that I could have a spot on the floor to put the bin that's on top of mine. She finally moved enough. Lainie then told her to move her bag off the table so I could put the bin on there. Lainie was trying to help me but it wasn't necessary cuz there was now space on the floor for the bin. Shasta refused to move her bag. Lainie insisted n moved it for her. Shasta did not want anyone touching her bag n the two quickly got into a fistfight. Neither of them could pack a punch very well so no one was hurt, but poor Lainie was told to go ...

  LOL. It never ends for the poor staff with the unessential demands. I shouldn't be assuming it's unessential; the person coulda been hypoglycemic or something, but I found it kinda humorous how yet another person shouts thru the staff office door to ask if there's any more donated pizza cuz all the donated pizza that was put out ofr us to eat got eaten throughout the night.

I thought he was just a bit of a coward so I posted this: Integrity is being yourself and showing up for yourself and the people who love your real self and doing so to the point where you are okay with people who will never be your best friend anyway thinking you're an absolute garbage human being for being yourself unapologetically and being with your real people unapologetically.  Integrity is not caring if the rest of the world sees you as a piece of shit for loving and standing up for and staying with who you love. But then I heard more and posted this: Whoa. I am hearing some juicy shit about my ex-husband that is just disgusting me about him now. Maybe I was utterly wrong about his intentions and him having only good intentions. If he spread the rumors himself n they're false then that just confirms it and if they're true then that confirms it too. Maybe this was the answer to my prayers tho not in the way I expected or wanted. Seems he's the philanderer some of ...